Six of one…

If non-Catholics need not ultimately affirm and obey the whole Catholic faith to be saved, then, as Lawrence England pointedly asks, why must Catholics themselves ultimately affirm and obey it in whole?

If non-Catholicism is good enough for Jews, Hindus, Buddhists, atheists, and telemarketers, then it’s good enough for Catholics.

In other words, who’s up for badminton and bocce this Sunday morning instead of Holy Mass?

Thus, along the lines of Rowan Atkinson’s famous “Nicene Creed” sketch, and in the interest of ecumenical and interreligious ✡☥☯✝enz, I propose a more user-friendly version of the Creed.

A less Catholic Catholicism, if you will.

The Nicercene Creed

I [want to] believe in one God,
the Father [pretty much] almighty,
[evolutionary] maker of heaven and earth,
of [I guess] all things visible and invisible.

I [recognize that Christians prefer to] believe in one Lord Jesus Christ,
the [not necessarily] Only Begotten Son of God,
born [of the early Christian consciousness] of the Father before all ages.
God [or guru] from God, Light [or role model] from Light,
true God [among others] from true God,
begotten, not [entirely] made [up], [perhaps] consubstantial with the Father;
through him [or her] all things were made [unless you find that problematic].
For us men [and women and pets and rain forests] and for our salvation [or mere consideration]
he [claimed that he] came down from heaven,
and by [what we’ll generously agree to call] the Holy Spirit was incarnate [in Christian discourse] of the [putatively] Virgin Mary,
and became man.
For our sake he was [allegedly] crucified under Pontius Pilate,
he suffered death [as befits any false Jewish prophet] and was buried,
and [according to Christians, at least,] rose again on the third day
in accordance with the [passages of the] Scriptures [that don’t offend Jews].
He [was memorialized as having] ascended into heaven
and is [best depicted in classical art as being] seated at the right hand of the Father.
He will come again in glory [as the long-expected Jewish Messiah and in Muhammad’s train]
to [non-judgmentally] judge the living and the dead [who are already in Heaven if they were good at their own religion or even irreligion]
and his kingdom [among multiple other kingdoms] will [most likely] have no end.

[Oh, yeah, and] I believe in the Holy Spirit, the [Christian] Lord, the giver of life [and of circumcision],
who proceeds from [what Christians refer to as] the [“]Father[“] and the [“]Son[“],
who with [or perhaps without] the [“]Father[“] and the [“]Son[“] is adored and glorified [solely by Christians],
who has spoken [of a still-promised Jewish Messiah] through the [interreligiously sanitized] prophets.

I [am, I guess, willing to] believe in [at least] one, [generally] holy, catholic [but not Roman Catholic] and apostolic [but not anti-Judaic] Church.
I [don’t mind if others] confess one Baptism [or circumcision or lifetime of pagan piety] for the forgiveness of sins [if such there be]
and I look forward to the resurrection [or at least recollection] of the dead
and the life[style] of the [religiously pluralistic] world to come.

In a word, can’t we all just [go along to] get along?


About The Codgitator (a cadgertator)

Catholic convert. Quasi-Zorbatic. Freelance interpreter, translator, and web marketer. Former ESL teacher in Taiwan (2003-2012) and former public high school teacher (2012-2014). Married father of three. Multilingual, would-be scholar, and fairly consistent fitness monkey. My research interests include: the interface of religion and science, the history and philosophy of science and technology, ancient and medieval philosophy, and cognitive neuroscience. Please pray for me.
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7 Responses to Six of one…

  1. Crude says:

    One time I said something critical of this Pope, and was admonished by a Catholic that I was behaving like a Protestant. I asked them what was wrong with Protestants that I would not want to behave like them – and they immediately seemed tongue-tied.

  2. Man o man, this post is funny as hell.

    Kudos, brother

  3. Tamsin says:

    With mental reservation, all things are possible, including saying one thing and meaning another.

  4. Indeed. The only true baddies anymore are sedevacantists, Radical Reactionary Promethean Neo-Pelagian Traditionalists, bankers, and “anti-Semites”. Also, guns R bad.

  5. Brothers ABS,

    Ah aims t’please!

  6. Pingback: The Creed as Currently Understood – The American Catholic

  7. Socrates says:

    Imagine if some Jews at Sinai rejected Moses, claiming that they could be saved just through the Covenant with Abraham.

    What some Eccumenticalists are doing today is worse, because the final part of the Covenant is made through someone greater than Moses or Abraham.

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