[Bear in mind that I would never post something like this on my blog, or any other, if it were not important enough to do so.]
Please pray for me.
Without the least bit of undue melodrama, I am experienceing one of the most intense periods in my life of grappling with God and myself to discern an immense change in my life.
After a long period of inchoate formation, certain priorities, desires, hopes, opportunities, etc. have come into sharp focus and I am faced with making a radical decision — and with no time to dally. In one sense, this dilemma sprang upon me out of nowehere; but in another much deeper sense, it has been coming to the surface for a very long time. Do not be alarmed: it is, and would be, a change for great good, yielding much fruit and joy — but at the expense of some very deep sacrifices.
I feel simply incapacitated — “soul dumbstruck” — in any attempts to “process” the “how” and the “why” this change. I feel that, in preparation for World Youth Day, God has brought me to a spiritual, psychologial and logistical crossroads, and that whatever decision I make is essential to my immediate and longterm formation as a Catholic. I am seeking appropriate counsel — from friends and clergy — but I also know, at the deepest level, that there is no quick fix someone else can just hand me. I have no escape from facing the cold, stark fact that I have no one to turn to, ask of, or answer to besides God Himself.
I am seeking God’s will. I am seeking God’s will. I am seeking God’s will.
Please pray for me.
Matthew 6:19-21, 25-34
19 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20 But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. …
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.